I have a horrible habit. I have no doubt there are countries where a judge wouldn’t think twice of slamming that hammer and condemning you without parole to an extremely long and dark prison sentence for this:
I love to talk during movies.
I know, I apologize even if we will never watch a movie together…but that’s how embarrassed I am by this. But it gets worse: I have no plans whatsoever to stop it.
It’s like this…During the movie, I will engage in friendly banter with most of the characters that show up on the screen. I will offer them free and very useful advice. Providing them with crucial insights that will ensure their longevity in the movie. I try to keep them away from harm, I point out when a bad guy is hiding behind a door, I give plenty of advice regarding potential romantic entanglements, suggest a certain moral direction. I often provide more tailored consulting by literally spelling out the lines they should say in any particular situation with the corresponding intonation and gestures.
In addition to that, I also have a wonderful back and forth with the people that are trying to watch the movie. I shower them with witty comments, perfectly timed funny remarks, and even add sound effects that might have escaped the sound editor’s attention. Which brings me to the parallel conversations I have with the director. Tips on the lighting, camera settings, occasionally some pointers addressing the flow of the film…you know all those bits and pieces everyone thinks about but never says…I am the voice of that. And now that we’ve painted that picture. What if I told you that I enjoyed this mono-directional interactivity with the characters and viewers more than the movies themselves. Is that wrong?
That makes it even better.
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