My boyfriend and I have been living apart together for some time now. In difference to most “living apart together” couples, we didn’t start off like that (if you would like to read the story of how we got started with LAT, you can find it here), so we had to untangle a lot of “partner dynamics” and find the solo version of them as we figured out how our new lifestyle would take shape.
One of the most confronting questions to me was, “What would I do when I was alone without him?” A straightforward question to many, but we had been already living together for years, so a lot of our down time included doing stuff together. Yes, of course I miss that. Who wouldn’t miss hunkering down on the couch, cuddling, watching Dr. Who reruns :), playing Jenga sipping margaritas, or just sitting by the coffee table sharing the paper. But the LAT lifestyle gives me time, “me time”. This is the sort of time that I was terrified of when I was younger, but in time, you learn to appreciate it….and then to love it!!!!
I love writing. Since I was a little girl, writing has been something I’ve always felt “at home” with. Writing feels to me like going through that process that brings the thoughts in your mind into a form that you can share with others. What I write -of course – depends entirely on the mood I’m in. If I am feeling highly emotional, either up or down, then I tend to go in the direction of songwriting. The songs I write allow me to channel whatever energy in me needs to flow. I don’t play piano very well, but I can play a few chords that work…and with the right words…in the right tone…I can just fall into another world…one I have created….
I also like writing “journal style”, but not necessarily on a daily basis. I don’t like attaching a “must” to any writing I do…it would undermine it completely. What I love about this form of writing is that it doesn’t ask you to be perfect, to follow guidelines, to rhyme…it’s just, your thoughts and emotions on one sheer of paper… Often I write these entries with the sole intention of reading them at some point in the future. Have something to bring me back to whatever -good or bad- was going on at that particular time.
There is always something to fix. We tend to walk around life with so many unfixed things around us. We become numb to them, and it’s only when they pile up and something breaks down that we are then urged to get into “fix it” mode. But what if periodically we would fix one thing at a time? This way it doesn’t feel like such a burden, and you get rid of the ticking time bomb of things falling apart on you wen you need it the least…(and you know this is exactly when things fall apart)….
Things that need some fixing:
- Cleaning out my old files and unused files on my laptop
- Fixing the bathroom’s leaky faucet
- Unclogging the bathtub (for good this time)
- Defrosting my freezer
- Sorting out that red light on my car’s dashboard
None of these are biggies, but all of them at once would be a mess… Just an hour a week on these really lightens up the potential load.
Call that relative you never call
There are so many relatives that I have loved dearly since I was a child. You then grow up, start studying, working, relationships, and pooof….! It’s like those people never existed. You forget about them. It’s sad really. So I’ve decided to make an effort to at least try to rekindle some of this with those that are open to rekindling.
To my surprise, most relatives were thrilled to get a call and to start a chat going. Most of the time we don’t talk about anything big, the usual “Hiiii!!!!….How are you doing?…..How’s it going with so and so….?” but it’s not really about the substance here. It’s about you saying, I want to spend some time with you auntie, uncle, grandma…
I’ve grown to love these exchanges, if they don’t quite get to soul food, they sure are soul snacks.
For years, I hadn’t noticed how constantly exhausted I was. My work is very demanding, and it takes up so much of my time (office time + commute), but I never had even contemplated the thought of using my weekends to catch up on my rest. It would feel like such a waste! As if I was cheating myself. So I never did. And I would get to Sunday, totally knackered, just to start the whole rat cycle again on Monday. That eventually adds up. Until you cannot ignore it anymore.
I now make a point to have a few days every month in which I “just” rest. There are no objectives these days, errands to run, people to call, nothing…just a pure unapologetic day of sloth. I have to say, it’s one of the things I love the most about living apart together. These days are just pure gold for me….this is something I would keep on doing, even if we went back to living together. It’s pure bliss!
Some other articles you might like:
- What are Living Alone Together relationships?
- What are open relationships?
- I have FOMO about LAT
- My flirty partner is making me hurt so much, what can I do?
- I was raised in a Living Apart Together family
- Why we decided Living Apart Together was the right decision for us
- Why do men make promises they KNOW they can’t keep?
- Why do I “ghost” people?
- NEVER say this on a first date
- Awesome 54 jobs for NON digital nomads
- Top AI Artificial Intelligence jobs for digital nomads
- My life has no problems brought in by others
- If I am happy, and nobody sees it, does it count?