5 reasons for Living Apart Together (LAT)

After having had my share of relationships, these are my top 5 reasons (or triggers) to start the Living Alone Together (LAT) topic with a partner.

Your partner’s extremely close relationship with their family and friends

Some people love coming home to a full and bustling house every day. Some people dread it. Sometimes, people that love full houses and those that love peace and quiet decide to live together. Something’s gotta give. If your partner simply refuses to tone down the amount or frequency of this constant stream of visitors, then this would be a fair topic to discuss openly. It’s important that this conversation doesn’t become a “Me or them” sort of talk, given that this is not an ultimatum (read all about ultimatums here), it is simply a potential solution where you can hopefully keep the best of both worlds.

For more on friends, family and LAT, look here.

You are allergic to your partner’s pets

I am amazed how often this pops up as one of the reasons why people decide to go for a living apart together (LAT) life. Cats are by far and away at the center of this conversation, but don’t be fooled, long haired dogs are also in the mix. It can drive you crazy to be walking around your own home with a permanently clogged nose, itchy skin, and unexplained rashes. I don’t know if this would categorize as a medical reason, but if you are allergic to something you cannot distance yourself from…I am sure many GPs would frown upon that.

For more on pets and LAT, check this out.

You need your space

It is often a given that you and your significant other will live in the same space. But is that still the case? Our society is getting more cramped, but for many, the desire for freedom is constantly increasing. Having your partner present with you at all times “in your space” could make you feel that you don’t have a space. You can find space outside of course, but again, where is your space if it is not in your own home.

Wanting some space of your own doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It means you also love yourself.

Work related situations

It doesn’t always have to be something coming from the relationship itself, it can also be external. From these potential external factors, work is probably at the top of the list. (Check out Zoe’s story on LAT because of work here) Work can be heavy on a partner, and there are times when it is best to seek out other solutions. The commute to work is a very common one. For some, going to work could mean a 2 hour commute, and a 4 hour round trip. That adds up to a lot of many precious hours of life every week stuck in a bus, car, or metro. Finding a room, small flat, or a co-share might reduce the stress the work commute is adding to the relationship.

Inversely, working too much from home could also be a trigger. If your work requires you to stay up until the late hours, or work irregular hours, that can affect your partner’s sleeping rhythm. It might sound like a small thing if it’s an every now and then thing, but if this is an intrinsic part of your work, then it can become the source of constant irritation. Another problem might arise if your partner has the type of job where they constantly work in groups. Having all these people around constantly can make your home feel like..it’s not your home. An even bigger problem could be, if your problem has a workshop at home. Working with wood, metals, ceramics, etc. requires large spaces and they are usually always messy. Not a problem for the workshop, but it is for a home.

You simply don’t’ like where your partner lives

Not a pretty reason, but a valid one. Some people are so attached to where they live (perhaps because they were born and raised there), that they will not hear of moving anywhere else. Sometimes these places can be great, and sometimes they are not. If your partner’s roots are so entrenched that they are not willing to ever move from where they live, it is perfectly fair for you to have an opinion on that. After all, you are not only deciding about your lives as partners, but a great deal of your individual life as well. Given that both would give the same answer to moving to the other’s neck of the woods, this shouldn’t be a complicated conversation.

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