Living Apart Together Q & A

Frequently asked questions:

#1   What does “Living Apart Together” (LAT) mean?

Living Apart Together (LAT) refers to couples or partnerships who are in an intimate relationship, but have decided to live in separate residences.

#2   Is it: Living “alone” together, or living “apart” together? 

For all practical purposes they are synonym phrases of each other, you can use them interchangeably.

#3   Is “Living Apart Together” (LAT) the same as a “long distance relationship”?

No.  What differentiates a LAT relationship from a long distance relationship is that in a LAT relationship you have made a conscious decision not to live together.  The reason why two people are apart in a long distance relationship is because of circumstances, not choice.  

#4   Is “Living Apart Together” (LAT) the same as an “open relationship”?

No.  In “open relationships” both partners can engage in separate intimate relationships with multiple partners.  “Living apart together” relationships are generally seen as monogamous -unless stipulated otherwise.  

#5   Do you have to live physically far apart (distance wise) from each other to be considered in a LAT relationship?

No.  You can live next door to your partner and still be in a LAT relationship.  One of the defining elements of a “living apart together” relationship is that you have your own separate living space from your partner, the distance in between is irrelevant.

#6   Can you be married and in a LAT relationship?

Yes.  There are periods in a relationship where married couples may decide to take a break from living together.  One might move back in with their parents, friends, or get a new place of their own.

#7   We just started dating, and we’re not living together. Does that mean we are in a LAT relationship? 

No.  The answer is in the question in this case; you are still dating.  The term LAT relationship is usually given to those couples that have reached a certain maturity point in their relationship and have made the conscious decision to live apart together.  

You could technically say that when a relationship reaches that maturity level where both can say, “Yes, we are in a relationship” you would automatically be in a LAT relationship (if you were indeed not living together).  However, that is not how it’s used in everyday life.  

You could be in a relationship for years without ever diving into the “moving in together” topic.  But if a couple has indeed had this conversation and agreed not to move in together, you could say from that point on you have made a conscious choice of living apart together, and thus you would be in a LAT relationship.    

#8   My partner and I live in the same house but sleep in different bedrooms.  Are we in a “Living Apart Together” relationship?

No.  You are sharing the same living space, thus this is not a living apart together relationship.  

  • If you would like to learn more about LAT:

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Why my partner and I decided LAT was right for us
Family, friends, and LAT
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Is Living Alone Together (LAT) a phase, or is it meant to be forever?