I am currently in a relationship. Everything is going as it has always been going, and this means everything is OK. We don’t argue that much, we are pretty much in line with the major decisions in our lives, and there is nothing “out there” that is disturbing our relationship. Like I said, everything is OK.
I also feel that having an OK relationship doesn’t have the same ring to it as it once did.
When we started our relationship 16 years ago, OK was a great place to be. There were so many other things going on that it was this OK that served as the safe harbor I could always find refuge in, regain my strength and get back out there.
During these years I have:
- Completed my university degree
- Completed a masters
- Got my first job
- Got fired from my first job
- Got a few more jobs
- Got fired from those jobs
- Tried freelancing
- Started my own company
- Have finally created a stable environment for my career
So yes, having an OK relationship next to all this was just perfect. However, now that things have stabilized, I have a lot more time on my hands to revisit our relationship. This “revision” has brought me to the conclusion that just “OK”, is not OK anymore.
I need more out of life, I need more out of this relationship
I feel this relationship, although very comfortable, is not the ideal place for the moment I am in life right now. I am full of energy, ideas, directions I want to follow, and the energy I need in order to take my life to the next level is not coming from my partner. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
This lethargic relationship we are in has now become a vacuum cleaner, it sucks up a lot of my energy and it doesn’t give much back. Granted, it gives me a peaceful home…but while I am in this “peace”, I am also experiencing a parallel feeling: FOMO about LAT.
Fear Of Missing Out on experiencing a Living Apart Together relationship
The truth is, I think this relationship would work out much better if we could both have our own space, that runs at its own speed, where we can realize all the dreams and ideas without disturbing the other’s flow. Having to come back home to:
Me: “How was your day honey?”
Him: “You know, the same ol’ same ol’. Just another Tuesday… How was your day?”
Me: “Kind of the same…”
We’ve been doing this for years, and we could be doing this for the next 30 years no sweat. But is this what we want? Where is the drive? The passion we once had? Where are those bright eyes we once had when we talked about our day? When we spoke about our future? I don’t know where it is, or where it went, but I know that staying like this will not bring back the inspiration I need to get to the next level of my life.
I think we make a great couple, but we are just not a 24/7 – 365 type of couple. We would work a lot better if we would have half the week to ourselves, and just see each other on the weekends, or occasionally during the week.
I don’t know if wanting a LAT relationship when you already have a living together relationship is OK, but I keep on dreaming about time for myself all the time. And you know, very often this time that I so much want to get, is not per se because I want to do something with it, but mainly because I just don’t want to waste in nonsensical conversation and a passionless life. OK or not OK, it sure feels to me like it’s the right thing to do.
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